A Visit to the Elizabeth Tower

Have you ever wondered how a young shepherd boy, armed with king’s armor and weapons of warfare, stood in the dark and menacing shadow of a giant Philistine named Goliath? Was his breath fast and fleeting? Were his knees, covered with armor that wasn’t even made for him, clanking together as he tried to overcome his overwhelming fear of being a soldier of the king…in that moment? Could David hear and feel the pounding in his chest? Not a bit calm, he could barely think, as this giant man bore down on his position hurling an onslaught of slurs and taunts and damning predictions regarding the probable outcome of his current situation. The thoughts of retreating and bolting for the mountains to hide and be safe were tempting to be sure.

I sat in church this morning listening to our pastor in 1 Samuel 1:18, and was trying to really listen for the message when one thing he said about a character in the plot named Hannah hit me right in the stomach, and I welled up with tears. Here I sat finding myself understanding the emotion expressed by a barren childless wife of a man named Elkanah.

Strange connection of association, I know.

In the text, Hannah is the first wife of Elkanah, whom had to take a second wife at the same time he was married to Hannah, who could give him heirs, and she easily produced many children…as barren Hannah looked on.

The pastor said, and here is the point of my departure of hearing the rest of the message, “Hannah’s name means grace and favor…neither of which she seemed to have any prospects of having. And so she wept, as she couldn’t see herself in the future.

I wept, l because in this moment of time, I’m exactly where Hannah found herself… I cannot see myself in the future. And I’m afraid. I don’t have a vision of safety and security. I stand with my Kings armor on…the things a believer is to adorn themselves with: “breastplate of righteousness, shod feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace…shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.”

I know about those adornments of brave and courageous Christians….but I’m standing in the shadow of the giant…and…I am afraid of what I cannot see or know about my future.

Many Christians are reading that admission and are ready to preach me up right now with solid biblical anecdotes.

And you’d be right….but I ask you to check yourself and try to remember when life and its circumstances has shaken you so hard you cannot breath.

I find myself (at every fault of my own doing) 66 years of age, not knowing if I have a secure future. No retirement account, minimum amount of social security, a parttime job, no home of my own, no furniture to put in one, amidst rising costs of living and in a town of no additional opportunity. I feel un-hirerable. I am not sure I have any relevant marketable skills. And can I stay healthy to work until I die?

This morning I found myself in front of my Goliath, and all the assaulting words that would tell my brain that I can’t face this battle. And I thought of Hannah and how she felt abandoned and vulnerable. The English meaning of my name is “ a strong tower.” I’m anything but that reference.

I thought back to when I was a dad with young children in Northwest Illinois. The kids grandparents were staying in a cabin near Galena, Illinois so we had gone to visit. It was dark by the time we left. Driving home we passed near a small town in the hills and dells of that area and they had erected a tall tower on one of those hills. I pulled into the parking and gathered the kids to climb the steps up and up to the top of the Elizabeth tower.

One of the kids remarked about how much farther we could see as we viewed the lights from several small towns and country dwellings.

It struck me then, that in our day to day, driving and traveling down the roads and paths of our life of the “right in front of us,” we have a seriously limited perspective.

But God sees everything else we cannot see. His perspective is eternal and comprehensive. And He tells me, “Do not be afraid.” He sees from the tower.

And so my uncertainty, is due to fear and need for a glimpse of what God wants to reveal to me as I wait. What does He want my moment in the darkness of the giant to teach me about who He is as I face my Goliath?

I’ll offer the questions God gave me as I walked this sequence of emotions today…maybe they will help you to be brave and fearless.

1. Can I see evidence of God’s grace and favor right now in the shadow? Yes!!! I truly can.
2. Do I believe that God CAN greatly and amazingly provide for my daily needs in this season? Well He has proven to be trustworthy.
3. Though my financial future looks in my eyes bleak at best—Do I believe God can use me in my brokenness (i.e. divorced twice, feelings of inadequacy and unsuccessful by the worlds standards and critical vision)? Yes. He has always chosen to use me in a greater way in my weakness.
4. What are my relevant and God-centric strengths? I have a strong mind to think and plan with vision. I have the desire to provide for the needs of my family and friends…and it’s such a motivator for me! I have a sensitivity for others and their pain and fear. I have biblical knowledge, truth with practical application and a measure of giftedness in some areas

The end of David’s story? He removed the armor not meant for him. He grabbed up his sling that he used to protect his sheep from challenged….picked up five smooth stones. Then he ran toward the giant!

Hannah wept through a prayer of trust and gratitude….and God revealed His blessing on her.

God can truly bring us to our knees…which is exactly where His strength is manifest in our weakness.

Be brave and step toward the giant….God will lead you!

Psalm 23, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.”